Jumping into the sensation of loneliness
I found a random Google Doc I wrote one weekend when my boyfriend was out of town.
I thought I'd share with you the stream of consciousness from that evening:
"Being alone feels weird at first, like diving in the pool and then eventually getting used to the cold sensation.
Today, I wandered around the house in a state of half-asleepness. How strange it is. I just kept feeling like something was missing. I had the sensation that I should be doing something, mixed with feeling like I should be going somewhere. After hours of this nonsense, I brushed my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself, "You don’t have to be on right now!"
So, in a weird funk, I sat at my kitchen counter. I made myself a cheese plate and I poured myself a glass of rose. I decided to celebrate myself at that moment.
If you can sit through the crap and you can feel your feelings and you can be alone, meaning you analyze all those negative voices in your head, they'll eventually subside.
For me this celebration is because I decided not to skip out on being alone, I decided not to get my nails done for the millionth time, I decided not to distract myself with dates with friends or people I don’t even like.
It's a celebration of feeling my feelings and deciding that I was enough all by yourself.... even when I looked at my face in the mirror with no makeup and my strange "home" outfit.
And friends, this is when the creative muse shows up. It's the reward for wading through the uncomfortable waters, the cold icy pool of being alone."
What'd you think? Can you relate? Would love to hear from you in the comments below.